Her First Mistake | Excerpt

CHAPTER ONE

I sprinted up the hill towards the track, striving to clear my mind of everything that had just happened. Run faster! Harder! Something… I had to get my senses back in check with whom I was. Not who he insisted I was supposed to be.

I freed my hair from the black cotton hair tie, shuffled towards the bleachers, and settled on the chilly bench. As I stared at the night sky, I couldn’t help but acknowledge how radiant the stars were tonight. I ran my hands through my hair to air out the sweaty feel on my scalp and forced a smile. Things would only get better; I kept explaining to myself. I just had to create some changes. Some serious adjustments. I was in a rut. That’s all it was. My heart and soul knew I was lying, but my mind was effortlessly applying another bandage over everything, thoroughly avoiding the root cause of my emotions.

“Come here often?”

I jerked my head towards the voice behind me.

“Sorry, I…” I wavered. Stunned. For a moment, there were no feasible words. Resting near the top of the bleachers was Kal — my summer fling from ages ago. My heart quivered and descended deep into the pit of my stomach as I froze in shock. I was thankful it was a dark evening to mask the fact that my face was blazing red. Through the moonlight I caught his grin, and that alone erased every distressing feeling that had been suffocating my soul that evening. I watched him stand, step down the aisle, and relax in the row above mine. 

“I don’t come here regularly,” he went on. “In fact, this is the first time I’ve been here in years.”

“Same here.” I acknowledged, still swaddled in the nervous excitement of the moment. Words, thoughts, and sentiments became disorganized in my mind. Powerless to construct any sort of sensible sentence, I fumbled with the hair tie.

“I thought you left town?” he asked, still smiling at me. I observed him lean forward, settle his elbows on his thighs and rub his hands simultaneously.

“I did. I am. In fact, I’m just here visiting.”

He nodded.

“You?” I asked him. My mind was already backtracking to over a decade ago, when his arms felt like the only secure place to be. Where his lips brushed away every sense of numbness and shot tingling sensations throughout my entire body. Back to when his voice relieved my entire being and carried me through the exceedingly detrimental concerns that raced through my mind. A season when life had fallen apart, and he was the only one who rushed through the chaos, picking up every single, fractured piece of who I was, and carried them until I was ready to piece myself back together. He supported me through the process without hesitation. If it wasn’t for him, I don’t know where I’d be today.

“Still surviving in the area. I can’t leave. You know that.” He inhaled deeply. “So, why did you leave?”

I bit my lower lip. It felt like he flipped a switch on my body as tears snaked their way to the corners of my eyes. I had cried in front of him many times, but tonight I craved for everything but the tears to come back.

“I think I should reword that. Why did you leave me? That’s what I meant to ask.” He stared at the night sky, and I peered up, spotting the same satellite he was following.

Now the pit in my stomach was taking over. I alternated the hair tie from one wrist to the other and took a few deep breaths as I stared at my hands. I shifted on the cold bleacher seat and turned slightly to the right so I could talk with him.

“I mean, I tried to call you, talk to you and…” 

“Kal, I was a wreck,” I blurted out. “I was a mess. I was broken. Tired. Exhausted. Numb.”

“You and I both.

I nodded. “I hated who I was then — when I was with you. God, I despised myself then.” I forced a smile, believing it would hold back the tears that had seeped over my eyes, obscuring my vision.

“I thought I was there for you. Kind of thought I made that clear. I thought the feeling was mutual.

“You were there for me. The only one who was.” One tear slithered down my left cheek. Not wanting to invite awareness, I let it be. The sensitivity of the night air on the tear streak caused my throat to tense up.

He turned his gaze towards me, folded his hands, readjusted his elbows on his knees, and peered off into the sky a second time. “If I was there for you, then why did you leave? Without a word, you vanished. You left without saying goodbye to me. You just quit calling, left everything. For days, I wondered what I did. For weeks, I tried to find you. It took months of wondering what I did wrong to put doubt in whatever it was we had. And this last decade, I doubted us; what I thought we were.”

“I’m sorry.” I replied. “There was so much…” I paused when tears emerged from my eyes. As my throat tensed, I struggled to manage my breathing, trying to keep it steady and hold back the cries that so desperately wanted to be heard.

He swayed his head as I held my breath. “It’s okay. It’s done. Over. In the past. I’m sorry to be so blunt. It’s just been nagging me all these years; why you left. I wondered what I did that was so wrong. This is not how I wanted this moment to go. I have so many questions that right now, the answers wouldn’t fix anything. It happened as it was meant to; I suppose. I just need to live with that fact. Can’t go back and fix what happened. Or, how things happened.”

I looked up at him and wiped the tear streaks from my face. I sniffled, and he quickly met my gaze. For a moment, I thought he was going to reach out and pull me into his arms and tell me everything would be okay, like every other time I cried in his arms. But he didn’t. Instead, he continued talking. I sat straighter, swallowed the lump in my throat and took a few more deep breaths.

“You know why I came here tonight?” he asked.

I watched him take a deep breath and the apprehension of needing to know his response and not wanting to know his response was agonizing. “No.” I shook my head and peered over the football field for a few seconds before turning my gaze back to him.

“Memories. The ones that make me smile and feel complete. The ones that make me laugh and reminisce about things I never said that I should’ve said. I still kick myself to this day, for some things I never said. I like to feel the moments where life felt perfect all over again. Even if I only get to enjoy it for a few minutes, or seconds, I just need to feel it.” He perched straighter for a moment, stretched, and rested his arms on his thighs. “I come here to feel you,” he went on as he stared at me. “To feel things only you and I know. Sometimes I come here to cry and laugh at the same time. I still feel you. I still see you. I see us. Happy. In love. That’s the only reason I come here. When life gets rough, I just think back to you, us. Everything we shared. Every moment…”

“Kal…” Every word he said fired electrical pinches through my body. It was like he conscientiously extracted the very words from my soul and brought them to life in front of me. I wanted to blurt out everything that was throbbing inside of me, but I also needed to understand his words and hear his voice. Amid the anxiety, it was my own actions I was suffering from that hurt us.

He cleared his throat before continuing. “I didn’t know where you went. So, I come back to the only place where I know I can feel you. And that’s the god authentic fact about why I’m here tonight. I tried to stay away from this place, and I did for a while. I did good. At least, I thought I did. Instead, I was only suppressing a fire that refused to dim. It’s exhausting knowing it will never dim and my efforts are useless. But I think maybe one day, I’ll be able to make it a little less painful. Time is supposed to treat the pain, but I’m still waiting. It never goes away. It’s a void that I have to learn to live with and I haven’t mastered that part yet. Not sure how long that takes.”

I wanted to break down and console him. I wanted to stand, pull him into my arms and feel him cloak me in his. But I remained sitting, watching and listening. And all the while wondering why and how I could ever hurt someone who evidently loved me with every being of their own soul. It felt wonderful to hear his words, but they stung, and I deserved every sting.

“Tonight isn’t the first night I’ve come here. I’ve come here many times to say goodbye. I guess I should just be up front with you, even though you probably think I should just get over it. But…”

“I had no idea…”

He smirked at me. “And I wouldn’t change a thing about it. Even if it hurts, I like to feel it. What we had then, back then, was a good thing. Wrong time, but we had something good. I’d like to think you agree with that.”

I nodded and smiled. “I wholeheartedly agree with you.”

“Are you happy now?”  He peered over the football field and fidgeted with his hands.

I shook my head. “It’s complicated.”

“It generally is.” He studied me. “I didn’t go anywhere. You always knew where to find me. I didn’t change my number. You changed yours,” he pointed out.

His words stung me deeper. “I wish I could go back. I really do.”

“What would you change?”

“A number of things.”

“Like?”

“Well, I would change us.”

“How so?” He challenged me.

“I would’ve slowed things down and stuck around for the right moment for us,” I replied. “Listened to you. Stayed with you. I know things got hard, and I messed up. I messed up and I recognize that. And not just tonight. It’s been every single day since I left that I’ve accepted deep inside how I was the one who messed things up for us. You were there for me, and I was the one who abandoned it all. And I regret that every single day. Every single day. I would’ve done more of what I wanted instead of what everyone was suggesting I do.”

He nodded.

“I would’ve listened to my heart more.” Truth was, I needed to say a lot of things. I craved to break down and scream out everything that was stinging inside. But I held back what the core of my soul was screaming. He was no longer mine, and I had to comply with that. I was the one who let him go and I had to learn how to live with that. So respectfully, I kept inside the words I should’ve spoken all those years ago. But if I speak them now, it could, what? Destroy his world all over again? Make him wander through that storm alone again? No. I didn’t want to hurt him again.

“You know what I would’ve changed?” he asked.

“What?”

“I would of never let you go. And if you would have stayed with me, I would have never taken you for granted. I would have loved you with the same passion we had for each other. The same warmth I still have for you. We missed out on a lot of years. A lot of memories.”

“You’re making me feel bad.”

“Good,” he smirked. “You hurt me. I just want you to know that.”

“I know I did. And…” I paused when he set his hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

“C’mon,” he said as he rose and held out his hand.

I grabbed hold and held his hand as we ambled off the bleachers and out onto the football field. We strolled in silence towards the twenty-yard-line, where we laid on our backs in the grass to gawk at the sky. It was the past all over again. The senses of being loved completely. The feeling of holding the one hand you never want to let go. 

We chatted about all the other times we would walk to this very field, lay down and stare at the sky. On clear nights, we’d tally the satellites and make wishes on all the falling stars. We’d share our dreams, passions and talk each other through the hard times or any challenges either of us was experiencing. We’d talk about our future. A future together. We’d explain all the things we never wanted again in a relationship and everything we craved. Along with our fears, we expressed growing old together. Being there for each other. We talked about it all.

After a short time, his hand let go of mine, brushed over my thigh and up to my stomach. It’s crazy how almost a decade can pass, but feelings from the past can surge back into the present and make the world halt with one special touch. 

I watched the stars glitter, and I was back in my early thirties, lying next to the man who brought me back to life. It seemed like all the poor decisions we made were a lifetime ago. But we were older now. Wiser and more in control of our feelings. I could have stopped his advances, but I didn’t. I could’ve turned my cheek when he leaned over and put his lips on mine. But I kissed him back. I let him run his fingers over my body as I inhaled his scent and returned every touch he placed on my skin.

“You okay?”

I opened my eyes, gazed at the ceiling, and turned to stare at Max, resting in bed next to me. I let out a sigh and grinned as I turned my head to look back at the ceiling. “Yeah.”

“What kind of dream were you having?” he snickered as he leaned on his left side and placed his hand over my stomach. He pulled me closer to him and held me against him.

“I… I guess I’m not sure,” I lied, struggling to recall every bit of the dream. But it was fading fast, and I just wanted to lie there and go through every step as to not forget. But the more he chatted and the more awake I became, the quicker the dream dimmed. 

“Must’ve been a great one,” he whispered in my ear as he settled his head on my pillow.

“Why do you say that?”

“You were smiling, and I want to say laughing, but you weren’t laughing. But you were genuinely smiling. Gorgeously smiling in your sleep.”

“Okay,” I snorted. “Maybe next time, don’t wake me up so I know what happens.”

“Kind of like your nightmares?” he questioned. “Don’t interrupt you if you’re screaming. Just let you frail your arms about until you wake yourself up,” he laughed. “Or injure me in the process? Let Gwen frail her arms like a madwoman, shrieking as if she’s about to be murdered, and I’m supposed to remain here, eyes wide open, petrified for my own life, and let you be.”

“Yes,” I giggled. “Precisely that. It’s like waking me up during a good movie and then never seeing how it ends. You can’t pause dreams and pick up where you left off the next night. They don’t work like that.”

“Sometimes that’s a good thing.”

“Not getting closure is never a good thing.”

“Who mentioned anything about closure?” Max asked. “I’m just concerned about your… our safety here,” he chuckled. “I’d rather not die in my sleep. Especially if I can avoid it. I’d rather you not die in your sleep, either.”

I turned my head and kissed him. “Thank you so much for your heart felt concern,” I laughed. “Greatly appreciated. But I have a full day. Should probably get to work.” I flipped off the comforter, stretched, and rolled out of bed.

Max rolled onto his back and stretched. “We need a new bed,” he yawned. “And not another economical mattress. Something comfortable. Something with extra padding. A double pillow top or something. Maybe we should go mattress shopping this weekend.”

“Add it to our dream list,” I hollered from the bathroom. “Remember, we put ourselves on a budget. And you yourself keep informing me we can’t stray from this budget. So, the dream list it is. Besides, I don’t think the mattress is that uncomfortable.”

An hour later, I put on my shoes and hoisted my backpack over my shoulder. I strolled into the kitchen, where Max was assembling his morning coffee. As I paused in the entryway, I tried to boot my feelings about Kal to the back of my mind. But it didn’t matter. He was constantly on my mind. It’d been over a decade now since I last saw or spoke to him. And just like my dream this morning, Kal was right. He didn’t go anywhere. I did. I left. I changed all my contact info, and I disappeared. I never said goodbye. I left him without a goodbye or an answer why.

“Hello?”

“Yes?” I smirked as Max stared at me.

“I’ve been speaking to you, and you’re just standing there gawking at the cupboards.” He turned to glance at all the cupboards to make sure he wasn’t missing out on something. “You sure you’re okay this morning?” He put the coffee creamer into the fridge, grabbed the pot of coffee, and filled his travel mug.

“Yes. Yes. Just a lot happening with work. But I’m sure we will straighten it out.” I smiled at him and repositioned the backpack on my shoulder.

“Want to talk about it?” he asked as he secured the lid on his coffee mug. He turned to walk towards me.

“No. I better get going,” I leaned towards him as he reached out his arms.

“Okay. Well, you have a good day,” he said with a kiss.

“You too. I’ll text you when I get there.”

“I love you, Gwen.”

“I love you too, Max,” I responded. He kissed me once more on the forehead and I grabbed my keys from the counter and headed towards the front door. “Let me know what you want for dinner, and I can pick something up before I head home tonight,” I yelled as I waited for him to respond. I shook my head and smiled when I didn’t get an answer. I closed the door behind me and decided I’d pick something up, regardless.

 

 

CHAPTER TWO

“And this year we’re on the chart to not only match our goal but exceed it by the conclusion of next month. Thanks to all of you for devoting some significant work, extra hours, and commitment. As a thank you for going the extra mile, I have arranged a company party on the first Saturday of next month. Please put it on your calendar. I am still working on the details, but I’d like to make this event memorable for everyone.”

I wrote the date in my planner and smiled at Jocelyn as she returned to talking about the company’s progress and how excited she was. I wished I was as excited now as I was when I first took the position, but I wasn’t. It thrilled me for her and the company, but I could sense myself losing interest. Like I was at a dead-end job. Only this company was going places. There was nothing dead-end about it. And I loved the job. I chalked the feelings up to life in general. Things were dormant. And the dormant was brimming into other areas of my life.

“Gwen?” Jocelyn asked as I passed her on my way out of the conference room.

“Yes?” I answered as I paused and turned to look towards her.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” She shuffled some papers and folders on her podium and arranged them in an orderly sheaf before picking them up and holding them close to her chest.

“Absolutely.” I let a few people pass before stepping next to her.

“Great,” she beamed as she smiled at everyone leaving the room. “Can we chat in my office? I’ll meet you in my office in five. Thanks, Gwen.”

“Works perfect.” I nodded with a smile. As I left the conference room, I switched my pen into my right hand and jotted down a reminder on a sticky note for myself. Pick up dinner, I scrawled. Although, I had no idea what I was craving, or what I might crave after work, somehow, I could never go wrong with some Chinese or Japanese. And to be honest, both sounded enticing.

“Well, this was one of the good meetings, huh?” Sherry asked as she nudged my arm and passed me a chilled bottle of water. “Thought you could use one of these.”

“Thanks,” I smiled at her. “Yes. Although, we kind of knew the company was going to exceed the goals.” I winked at her and opened the water bottle to take a sip. “We’ve worked hard. And by that, I mean all of us. Everyone here has sure hauled their percentage of the workload. It’s impressive.”

“I know. And we have an owner who recognizes and acknowledges all we do. She does not take our periodically long shifts and overtime for granted,” Sherry said. “I think that’s why we have such a strong staff and associates on board in doing whatever needs to be done.”

I acknowledged. “Ain’t that the truth?”

“I mean, where else do you get an owner like this in corporate America?” she continued. “I’ve worked many jobs where you’re just a number and the CEO doesn’t even know who you are. They could pass you in the grocery store and not blink an eye. A stranger. That’s what you commonly equate to in Corporate America.”

“No doubt,” I smiled at her. “Say, I’ll have to catch you later. Have to chat with Jocelyn in her office.”

“Really?” Sherry paused her steps and sent me a curious look. “About?” she asked as she leaned in closer to me.

I shrugged. “I have no idea, honestly. But thank you for the water. Refreshing. Should’ve grabbed one on my way into the meeting. It always feels so warm and stale in there. I should know better by now,” I laughed. “I even have a water bottle in my bag, which I never bring with me when I leave my office.”

She grinned. “Yeah. Same here. Well, hopefully Jocelyn has good news. Whatever she has to say. You better let me know right away or I’m going to go stir crazy in my office guessing the worst. You know I have anxiety, right?”

I laughed and nodded. “I’ll catch up with you afterwards. Thanks, Sherry,” I said as I held up the water bottle.

She winked as she headed down the hall towards her office. I watched as everyone in the lobby chatted and blabbed about the morning meeting. Some were excited about the upcoming company party based on the conversations I overheard. I don’t mind attending company parties. It’s Max who has no desire to join me, even when spouses are welcomed. And with that, I mostly stay home with him, or we head out on the town with just the two of us and spend the evening together.

I moseyed down the hallway towards Jocelyn’s office. Blended emotions traveled through my mind, of course. That’s a given considering it’s the typical thought process when the head of any company wishes to chat with you alone in their office. Even the most stellar of employee must have these notions. 

I scanned the posters and photos that lined the wall of the hallway. Although I wander down this hallway multiple times a week, I’ve never taken the time to glance at all the glass enclosed photos. Some were tagged as local artists. Of course, I’ve never heard of the names, so I couldn’t tell you a thing about any of them. But the artwork and photography were impressive to look at. As soon as I spotted Jocelyn striding down the hallway, I waved and smiled.

“I’m so glad you have a few minutes of free time,” she smirked as she unlocked her office door. “Come. Have a seat,” she said. Once we were inside, she closed the door, set her armload of file folders on the corner of her desk, sat down in her chair, and took an additional file from her drawer. “This won’t take too long. I know you have a full schedule, as do I.” She smiled as she opened the file and flipped through a few loose sheets of paper. “But you’re from Harpring, right? Your hometown?” she asked as she studied one of the documents.

“Yes,” I responded as she continued to thumb through some additional sheets. I twirled the pen in my hand and sat straightforward in the cushioned leather chair.

She smiled. “Wonderful. Well, I might have an opportunity for you. If you’re interested, that is.” She jotted down a note on the top of the folder and stared back at me.

“Okay.” I twiddled the pen in my hand and set the notepad I was carrying onto my lap. Although the degree of nervousness was high, even with the positive vibes she was giving off, the edgy feeling prevailed at the high level.

“Between you and me…” she continued with a full smile. “Gwen, I’m seeking to expand my business. You’re one of my most respected employees and I didn’t have to think too hard on this, but, Gwen, I’d love for you to head up the new agency in Harpring.” She closed the file, folded her hands, placed them on top of the folder and smiled at me.

“Um, wow,” I reacted. “Jocelyn, I’m honored.”

“I mean, you can think about it. Definitely think about it,” she went on. “I wanted to ask you first before I continue down my list. If it’s something you’re not interested in, I understand and I can…”

“Oh, I’m interested,” I interrupted her. “Congrats on the expansion. I had no idea you were considering expanding. That’s remarkable. I will have to talk to Max, of course. This would be a huge move.” An overwhelming wave of excitement hit me. The look on her face and the fact that she wanted me to head up a new agency had me striding on cloud nine as I struggled to relax in the chair. The high degree where my nerves had been hovering, sunk to a more bearable level. I was exploding with excitement at the news. I really wanted to leap over to Sherry’s office and blurt it all out.

“I will pay for all moving expenses and also place twenty-thousand down towards your next house in the relocation package. Or we can negotiate too. I’m open to discuss whatever you have in mind. If you want the position, that is. This is just the starting point, so please negotiate with me what you think is reasonable. This is also my first expansion, so I’m excited and want to make sure to compensate you for the move and, well, the disruption and chaos that might ensue in launching a company from the ground up.”

“Wow, Jocelyn…” I sat straighter in the chair and smiled at her. I was having a hard time finding the right words to point out how wonderful of an opportunity this is for me and to thank her for thinking of me. Developing a new business from the ground up was nothing to take lightly. Hard work and, like she said, chaos. But the chaos would be temporary. I could already see myself in the position.

“I really appreciate you and all you do, Gwen. Harpring has an exceptional vacant office building. I know this location seems like it’s in the middle of nowhere. But it’s a perfect business move.”

I nodded. “The building on Brown Street? Two story, yellow brick building?”

“Yes!” she laughed.

“That used to be the old junior high, back in the day. It’s so bizarre. I went there.” I snickered. “And I couldn’t wait to get out of there. Such a small world. I never thought I’d be back in Harpring, and I sure as heck never expected I’d be back in my old junior high school. It’s just so insane to think about.”

“Well, it’s been partially renovated into office spaces and when it went up for sale, I had to have it,” she explained. “It sounds like one other company was going to move in but couldn’t finish paying for the renovations. I have contractors already lined up and working to finish the building. It’s absolutely perfect. Things fell into place at the right time. I knew I wanted to expand in the future and didn’t think it’d come so fast. But perfect timing. What can I say?”

“You already purchased the building?”

“Yes! It’s been so hard trying to keep this to myself,” she giggled. “Walking around this office and keeping a secret this big all to myself has been challenging. Feels so good to tell someone. So, you let me know as soon as you talk with Max. And please don’t mention it to anyone else yet. I don’t want to cause any issues with the others. I’d like to have arrangements in place before word gets out on the expansion. Even if you decline the offer of which, I respect whatever decision you choose. No hard feelings and I just hope you’ll maybe work with me in securing the next person to get them equipped for the position.”

I nodded. “Absolutely. Absolutely. Jocelyn, I’m just shocked and excited and… wow!”     

“Of course, this means that you won’t be working here any longer. That is, if you accept the new position. I figured since you’re from there, you’re probably going back visiting family and friends often. And since it’s your hometown, you’d be the perfect fit. With your work ethics I’ve had the pleasure of seeing, I confidently know you are the perfect person to head up the new branch.”

“Well, I appreciate you thinking of me. I’ll talk to Max tonight and let you know tomorrow.” I seldom go to Harpring. I don’t have family there and I most definitely don’t talk to anyone from there. The few high school friends I had either left town at their first chance, or they stayed and ended up immersed in the culture of a town that is on the threshold of staleness.

“That’s perfect, Gwen!” she smiled. “Thank you! Thank you so much! I respect your decision, whichever way it may be,” she added. “I know this is sudden and a lot to consider. Oh, I almost overlooked one significant detail. I would like to get someone over there as soon as possible. I estimate with moving, maybe a month or so? Hopefully no longer than two months. I already looked into the real estate over there and there seems to be a nice selection of vacant and available homes. So, finding a place to live shouldn’t be that tough. And that’s just from looking online.”

It felt like I drifted back to my office. I stepped inside and closed the door behind me. Harpring? I thought to myself. Why Harpring? Yes, it was my hometown, but people escape their hometowns for a reason. Especially, Harpring. That town has your basics and that’s about it. It hasn’t grown in decades.

“Hey, Max,” I said when I answered his call. I grabbed the post it note from my folder and stuck it onto my desk near my bag, so I wouldn’t forget to pick up dinner after work.

“You didn’t text me. Did you make it to work?”          

“I did make it. I’m sorry. We had an early meeting and then I had to meet with Jocelyn in her office and…”

“Uh oh,” he reacted.

“It’s good,” I laughed as I picked up the pen and squeezed it in my hand. I placed my notepad on the shelf I use for business meetings.  

“A meeting with the CEO can’t be good.”

“It was. Well, sort of,” I said. A cluster of nerves and uncertainty swarmed me, and I sought to quickly find the perfect way to tell Max about the promotion. 

“Okay, spill it. What happened?”

“I’m serious, Max. It was good. Jocelyn is offering me a promotion,” I said. “The perfect promotion. An unexpected promotion.” I knew right away the excitement in my expression didn’t match the tone of my voice.

“Really? Well, that’s exciting! You’ve certainly earned it. So, what’s the position? Bigger office?”

“Thank you,” I said. “Kind of a bigger office, I guess, if you want to look at it that way. She’s expanding and wants me to run the new agency.” I uncapped my pen and started doodling on another post it note.

“Congratulations, Gwen!” Max cheered. “Congrats! We will celebrate tonight. That’s about as big of a promotion as you can get. Head up a new branch. Moving on up in the company. I’m proud of you, babe.”

“Let me finish,” I laughed. “There’s more. A lot more.”

“Oh, okay,” he chuckled. “Go on. Tell me the rest of the good news.”

“It’s in Harpring.”

“As in your hometown?” he inquired. I could tell by the tone of his voice, he felt like he just had the biggest let down of his entire life.

“Yes.”

“Well, that’s a move we can’t make,” he exclaimed. “I was all excited, too,” he laughed. “Well, I’m glad she thought of you for the promotion.”

I was silent for a few seconds. Did I hear him correctly? A move we can’t make. I haven’t mentioned the rest of the details. We didn’t even have a discussion. He never asked me what I felt or thought about it.

“Well, we can’t pick up and move, Gwen,” Max added when I didn’t respond. “You agree with me there, right? You didn’t expect we’d just be able to pick up and head on back to the middle of some field that’s in the midst of another vast field with no…”

I bit my lower lip. When he paused, I could hear him take a heavy breath. I knew he was regrouping his thoughts and trying to find the words that would let me down easily and wash aside the opportunity that this promotion ever existed. I knew him well.

“Gwen?” he asked.

“I haven’t answered her,” I drawled. “I told her I had to talk with you tonight after work and I’d let her know first thing in the morning.” I wanted to have an official talk with Max. We had to discuss all the details and weigh each one to see what the best option might be. Talking through life changes together is something Max and I had to work on in our marriage. We knew this. Max knew this. He was keen on placing his needs in front of every decision, often overlooking mine. It was one of his downfalls that I had overlooked for far too long. It was so small in the beginning of our relationship that I ignored it. Now, years later, that minuscule detail has raised some agonizing conversations that brought about full fledge arguments.

“Well, you already know our answer,” Max howled. “Gwen. Serious. This isn’t that complicated of a decision. It’s simple. Very simple.” And here we were again, with Max placing his needs and only his needs into play. No questions asked. A simple, clear sign I should’ve put my foot down years ago and put a stop to it instead of allowing it to occur as long as it has. Now it’s just second nature to him, and to myself when I don’t feel like circusing a quarrel.

His laughter was like miniature jabs to my entire body. The rhythm of a dull knife alternating with a sharpened knife and the occasional quick slice from a box cutter. “She’s offering twenty-thousand down on a new home. Relocation package and everything,” I explained. “And that’s…”

“Gwen,” Max continued as he interrupted me. “Gwen, look at the big picture. Babe. We can’t just up and make that big of a change, no matter what the cost of the relocation package. I’m sure she’s presenting one of the finest relocation packages ever. That’s just because she’s the CEO and she’s considering things from a financial viewpoint and not a relationship or family point of view. We’ve built our life right here in the city. There’s nothing in Harpring for you or us. That’s why you left in the first place. Right? Isn’t that what you told me? They have nothing there. There are no jobs. No advancement, no way to grow in any career.”

“Yes, but,” I paused. I already reached the point of no return. There was no use in having a one-sided discussion right now. I had a full workday ahead of me. Knowing how Max is, I knew I should’ve waited to mention this to him. At least this would allow me the rest of the day to come up with a script of the positives that might cancel out all the negatives. “I have to go. I have a call coming in.” The pen flipped from my hand across the desk, over the edge, and onto the floor. I leaned back in my chair, trying to maintain my dignity and keep inside the words I wanted to say. Now was not the time to get into a debate with my husband. Now was not the time to voice my feelings, nor my opinion on why I would like to move back to Harpring, or that this promotion could be a good thing. The more I pondered about it, there was never a good time to discuss anything regarding my feelings with Max.

“Sounds good. Have a good day, babe. See you when you get home.”

I placed my cell phone on my desk and glared at it. Somehow, his response was not at all what I expected, but it was everything I predicted. I mean, I expected him to be happy for me, which he was. But he was rather too quick to say no to moving. He didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to have a conversation about it. His mind was made up within seconds of hearing the town of Harpring. Why I felt the urge to cry was understandable, considering it felt like I had zero say in my career. Now, this promotion wasn’t everything. Promotions come and go, but I didn’t feel content with the blunt conversation Max and I just had.

“Knock-knock,” Sherry smiled. “Well?” she asked as she closed the door and perched in the chair in front of my desk. “Don’t leave me guessing. You look somber. Was it bad? Please don’t tell me it’s bad.” She reached down, picked my pen off the floor, and placed it back onto my desk.

“Thanks,” I smiled as I reached for the pen. I shook my head and took a deep breath to keep back the tears. “Would you be upset if I told you I can’t say anything right now? But I can tell you it was good.” I watched her face go from excited, to sad, to understanding all in the matter of a few seconds.

She nodded. “Of course. Of course. I get it. I don’t like it, but I understand.” She squirmed in her seat and although I could tell she had a full list of questions, she kept them to herself for the time being. “You sure you’re okay? You look like you just received bad news. I mean, not to be bringing up things I shouldn’t get involved in, but… You know what I mean,” she smiled.

“Thank you,” I said. “Thank you. And yes, I’m okay. Just processing a few things. Nothing bad. Nothing bad.”

“You know me,” Sherry laughed as she planted her hands on the desk and stood. “I’m here for you. You’ll tell me when the time is right. You know how to get a hold of me.”

“Absolutely, I will,” I laughed. “You know that. I tell you way more than I should.”

“Sometimes, you don’t tell me enough,” she winked. “You hold more inside than you should. Just my opinion. Okay, then. I better get back to my office. The financials are due by the end of the week. I’ll try not to dwell on it, and I’ll try to stay positive and think about the positive things you’re going to tell me. And I’m babbling, aren’t I?” she snorted. “Ugh. Gwen?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t forget how this is going to inch my anxiety up every few days I have to sit and wonder,” she giggled. “Not to put a huge strain on your shoulders. I just want to make sure you’re okay, too, you know. Just trying to say, I’m here if you need me, when you need me. All of that.”

I smiled. “You’ll be the first one I tell. Trust me. It’s nothing bad,” I laughed. “Nothing bad. I’ll catch up with you later.”

She smiled as she closed the door behind her.