The Shadows are Falling | Excerpt
Prologue
I sat in my car, watching the stillness of the multi-million-dollar luxury mansion at 1851 Chatelet Hill Drive. The place I once called home. I clenched my teeth and felt my body tense when I saw her—the woman who stole my husband, my daughter, my name… my life. She sashayed down the concrete drive to the mailbox, her hip-length, light golden-blonde hair flowing behind her. I gripped the steering wheel tighter, never wanting to see her face again. But it was everywhere. I couldn’t look in the mirror without an uncontrollable sense of revulsion for that woman. There was no evading her face when it was identical to mine. My body identical to hers. Our skin, hair, voice, mannerisms, sapphire blue eyes—identical. Right down to the very mole on the inside of our left thigh. But that’s it; that’s where the identicalness ends.
I’m certain she assumes I’m still shut away in the psych ward where she left me. She did everything in her power to make sure I stayed sedated and stashed away under her birth name: Kassie Darrick.
I remember that day seven years ago as if it was yesterday. The day my life became an intrusive nightmare; one I never saw coming. One that took me on a rampage fueled by the twisted lies of my very own identical twin sister. I awoke in her hospital bed, wearing her clothes and peering at the exact framed photo of my daughter I had given to Kassie.
For seven years I suffered from Kassie’s demands to the doctors to keep me sedated and drugged while she lived the luxurious life, pretending to be me… Alaina Shepherd. She loved my husband and raised my daughter, Hailie. I cried, begged, screamed, and prayed. I loathed her every visit as she described her life. I endured seven years of what was my life, pierced deep in my soul at the hands of my sister as she gloated and pranced around in her expensive clothing, advertising her extravagant lifestyle and filling me in on the details and the moments that she unremorsefully stripped from me.
From my room in the psych ward, I watched her attend the televised formal events and fundraisers related to my career; a well-known, pursued artist. She was living the dream career I had built. I was certain she would run it into the ground. But surprisingly, after all these years, she had not.
Tonight, she is speaking at the most distinguished art show in the country, exhibiting all my paintings, as her own of course, and there is nothing that will stop me from attending. Kassie Darrick does not understand what the real Alaina Shepherd is capable of. I am going, and you can bet I will make it known what a conniving fraud she truly is.
*******
“Are you almost ready, Kassie?”
“Yes! Just a minute!” I shouted back to Jonah from upstairs. I wanted everything to be perfect tonight. Life had become so complicated and I quickly learned, especially after just being released from the psych ward, that I still had to play the hospital’s game. I had to stop telling people I was the real Alaina Shepherd. If I continued screaming and pleading with everyone to believe me, they would have me readmitted for sure.
I’d spent the past week preparing for this very event. Everything was going to be perfect, right down to my formal, floor-length red gown; an exact replica of the gown I was wearing the night Corbin Shepherd, my husband, first laid eyes on me. And my hair, lying around my shoulders, perfectly styled in waves exactly as it was that night almost a decade ago.
I know Corbin will be there this evening. He attended every event of mine and stood by my side as the proudest husband in the world. He was my biggest supporter and traveled with me to every gala event, sometimes putting his own events on hold or rescheduling.
When I first met Corbin, Kassie had been in the psych ward for just under three years. I would visit every week and fill her in on life outside the hospital, in the hopes that she would want to get her mental illness under control. I talked to her about Corbin often, and then when I had Hailie … oh, Hailie. She’s the reason I was impelled to play the hospital’s game the entire time I was falsely admitted. My baby. Although she wouldn’t be much of a baby now. She would be seven years old, but she’s still my baby.
I never thought for one second Kassie would take things into her own hands, attack and switch places with me. The thought never crossed my mind. Not once. I had no idea what she was conspiring to do that day. I should have suspected something when I noticed how cheerful she was. Looking back, that alone should have been a red flag. Kassie was rarely light-hearted, and refused to speak or make eye contact with me. The doctors said that’s how she is every day, emotionless and melancholic. I blamed it on her meds. I talked to her doctor about regulating her meds better, but he assured me the medications and the dosages she was taking were exactly what she needed to be taking for her level of mental illness.
Mental illness ran in my family. For the past fifteen years, my mother has been hospitalized in a different psych ward in my home state of Idaho. My father left when Kassie and I were toddlers. My mother always said it was because he found some younger woman who was much better-looking than her. Someone who was immature enough to believe his lies. She would relentlessly degrade my father. In fact, I don’t recall a time she ever said anything kind about him.
Over the years, I grew to believe my father probably ran off because of my mother. There were numerous times Kassie and I wanted to run away because of her, too. One could never predict who you would be getting when you walked through the door of our run-down, one-bedroom efficiency apartment. Our mother could be happy one minute, then flying off the walls the next.
Growing up, Kassie and I stuck together. I tried to help her, hoping she wouldn’t fall into our mother’s black hole of psychological death. I fought and I fought to make Kassie feel normal, but it began to be almost impossible to reach her. In her early teen years she began to degrade herself, just like my mother degraded my father all those years.
We didn’t have much for close family growing up, and the close family we did have did all they could do to try and take Kassie and me away from our mother. I often wondered if life would have turned out better had they succeeded. Would Kassie have had a better childhood and outlook on life? Would I? Over the years, as we got older, we sided with our mother and cut ties with all our relatives. She brainwashed us to think they were the wrong and spiteful ones, when in reality it was our very own mother.
When Kassie and I turned sixteen, the county came in and took our mother away. I still don’t know all the details of what happened that day, but I do know they took her away kicking and screaming. That I recall vividly. She kept screaming to anyone who could hear her, that it was all Kassie’s fault. I never understood what she meant by that. To this day, I still don’t understand. And poor Kassie never forgot that moment. It’s as if it’s tattooed on her soul. My mother always labeled Kassie the evil one, the devil child, the child with no future. Why a mother would do that to her child, I’ll never know.
I tried my best to console Kassie as we were tossed into foster home after foster home for the next two years. Our relatives refused to take both of us, and demanded the county split us up so I could live with them and Kassie remain in the foster system. I despised them for that. I fought to stay with Kassie. I fought hard to keep us together; even if she had turned into a devil of a teen, she was still my sister. I wish I could have gotten her help back then when she needed it the most. Maybe things wouldn’t have turned out the way they did.
*******
“About time! Okay. Off record. I have to say this … Damn! You… look… stunning!” Jonah exclaimed as his jaw dropped. I just shook my head and grinned as I slowly walked down the stairs, holding the train of my red gown in my right hand and the railing in the other. It had been a long time since I had not only worn a gown, but heels. I had to get used to walking in them again.
I reached the bottom step and held my hand out. “Shall we, Mr. Hartman?” I smiled as Jonah stood there in some sort of trance. I just grinned. All I could think about was Corbin, and how his jaw had dropped the exact same way when he saw me in a similar red gown almost a decade ago.
“We shall,” he nodded as he grabbed my hand, and led me out the front door and down to the awaiting limo.
Jonah Hartman was one of the psychiatrists from the hospital. Since I was now an outpatient, he was in charge of supervising and making sure my adjustment back into society was going well. He knew that my meeting my sister after all these years could potentially cause a relapse in my recovery. And since I was hell-bent on going, and it was against the outpatient policy to attend any such public events alone, he offered to come with. I didn’t object. He knew I would break all rules to attend this event even if he didn’t come with.
Jonah was in his late thirties. He was tan, handsome, and muscular. If you talked with most the other nurses at the hospital, they would tell you he resembled an exotic Chippendale dancer. His black hair was beginning to show some gray. And his dark brown eyes were, I have to admit, mesmerizing at times. He looked to me like he should have been a coach or taken up football or some other active sport instead of sitting behind a desk all day long. Carrying around a briefcase and clipboard didn’t suit him well. But he was dedicated to his career. He was an amazing psychiatrist. Different from all the others I’d met over the last few years.
When I first met Jonah, he convinced me that I could tell him the truth. So after a good year of his coaxing, I did. I told him how Kassie had attacked me and switched places with me in the hospital. I told him everything not once, not twice, but many times. The same story. The same way each time. I never left anything out or changed my story even a tiny bit. He made me feel like he would believe me. He acted as if he wanted to believe me. But just like the others before him, he prescribed more medication to make me come to my senses. It was a lost cause. I was certain of it. No one would listen to me. No matter how hard I tried, everyone would hear me but no one would listen. Not even Jonah. Not even to this day. He still called me Kassie because, to him, that’s who I was.
*******
“Wow, this is an impressive painting!” Jonah marveled as he stood beside me. “It’s so real. In all reality, it looks like an actual photograph. Look at that detail!” He stood as close as he could to the painting.
“You like it?” I whispered to him with a grin. I was in awe that he liked my paintings so much. It actually gave me a little bit of strength, something I needed for today. A little confirmation that I was where I needed to be, doing what needed to be done.
“Like it? I’m in love with it. So far, it’s the best I’ve seen. I’m serious,” he confirmed as he studied the painting.
“Do you see the prices on these paintings?” I gasped. “Alaina is asking $17,000 for this one alone.” I had to bite my tongue as I called her Alaina. I couldn’t wait to call her by Kassie, her real name.
“Just look at the detail put into it. There are seriously no words to express her talent. It’s absolutely beautiful. Well worth, if not more, than the asking price.” He paused for a few seconds. “In a way, it reminds me of you,” he said quietly as he stared at the painting.
The feelings I dreaded swirled around me. A tear managed to escape down my cheek as I held my breath. I wanted to instantly run from the room and beg for him to please listen to me and believe me that I am Alaina! That I painted that very picture he was standing in front of. That I was the one who spent countless hours in front of each canvas to create these beautiful masterpieces that were displayed all over. I did all this! This is all mine! This is me! This is my work! My heart and my soul and…
“Oh, Kassie! I didn’t mean to make you tear up,” he said as he slowly pulled me off to the side. “I just meant that the little girl in the painting looks a lot like how I imagine you would have looked when you were a little girl. I mean, maybe it is you. Maybe Alaina painted… ”
I wiped away more tears that fell from my eyes and held my breath. Suddenly, I felt like it was a mistake to come here. What was I doing? Was I ready to confront my sister? Was I ready to see my husband? Was I ready to…
“I’ll just stop talking now, but I do think she’s my new favorite artist,” Jonah affirmed. “Your sister has talent.”
I hated how he refused to listen when I’ve tearfully told him the truth so many times. He seemed like the only one who was there for me, the only one who held my hand and spoke to me like I was a real person and not some patient with a comorbid bipolar and personality disorder. A disorder that wasn’t even diagnosed for me, but for her! But I couldn’t get him to listen to me. I couldn’t figure how to get him to actually hear what I’ve been trying to say from day one. I also couldn’t risk being admitted back into the hospital, or put on more meds in the hopes of suppressing memories she didn’t want me to recall. So I had to pretend to be her. I had to pretend that my or, more technically… her mental illness was under control. A disorder that I didn’t even have. It was literally driving me crazy trying to pretend I wasn’t crazy.
“Can I offer you two a complementary drink?” a server asked as she steadied a tray of drinks on her left hand.
“Thank you,” Jonah said as he grabbed two glasses of champagne from the tray and handed one to me. “Because this is a special occasion, I’ll let you have a drink.” He winked. “Between you and me. Off record.”
Little did he know just how special this occasion was about to be. I smiled and quickly looked away from the server. I could feel her studying me as I took the first sip of champagne. I quickly turned my back, took a few steps away from her, and stared at another painting. We kept to ourselves as we walked through the gallery, admiring the rest of the paintings. People were nice and greeted us, but I was not up for conversation. Besides, had someone really looked at me I would for sure be mistaken for her. It was a daring move on my part.
Guests were beginning to gather in the adjoining room, mingling towards their reserved seats in anticipation of Alaina’s speech. I kept my eyes open so as to not run into her or Corbin as we mingled amongst the other guests, each one praising the work of Alaina Shepherd. I was grateful the light in the gallery was dimmed way down, with lighting surrounding each painting. Everything seemed so surreal. It was like I was watching my own life from a distance. Like a slow motion dream, and I was invisible to everyone around me.
I began to question my own sanity for being here in the first place. I was increasingly nervous, knowing that at any moment someone could easily blurt out her—or rather, my—name, and want to talk. Worse yet, request a photo be taken and ruin the plans I had of confronting Kassie that evening. So I kept my hair covering the sides of my face as best I could. Jonah just brushed it off as my first step adjusting to being in public and didn’t really ask any questions.
“May I have your attention please?” a woman said into the microphone. The crowd began to quiet down as everyone turned to face the stage in the adjoining room. “I first want to thank you all for coming out this evening. It’s greatly appreciated. My name is Tamara and I am going to be the announcer this evening. I promise not to bore you all to death, as I’m sure my speech is not near as exciting as Mrs. Alaina Shepherd’s will be.”
The crowd laughed.
“So tonight we are here to support the amazing and breathtaking artwork of Alaina Shepherd, of course,” Tamara continued. The crowd began to clap. “I’d like to invite you all to grab some champagne and find your seats as we anticipate the arrival of Mrs. Alaina Shepherd on this very stage in just a few short minutes. Again, thank you all for coming, and I hope you are all enjoying her lovely artwork surrounding us here this evening.”
“You feeling okay?” Jonah asked as he looped his arm through mine. “You’re looking a little pale.”
“I feel fine,” I lied. Even I had a hard time trying to figure out just what it was I felt. It almost seemed like I was watching my own life disintegrate in slow motion. I was screaming, but silent. I was running, but standing still. I was pleading for everyone to hear the truth as I held back the tears, kept my eyes on the floor, and carefully sipped my champagne.
“You sure you’re up for staying here for Alaina’s speech?” Jonah whispered. “I can take you home if you’d like. You do look quite pale. We can see her another time. I can arrange for a meeting elsewhere. This probably isn’t the best place for a reunion…” he stated, lowering his voice.
“No.” I nodded my head and grinned. “I’m very positive I’d like to stay.” We walked over to the far side of the room and took our reserved seats. They were in the perfect location for what I had planned for the evening.
I tightened the grip on my champagne glass as Tamara took the stage a second time. I scanned the room, resting my eyes on a couple in the front row. How had I not noticed them before? How had we not run into them as we were mingling this evening? Leo and Susan Blackredge. They live right next door to Corbin, or at least they lived there the last I knew. We hung out almost three to seven times a week. Had they known something was different with her? Kassie? Had they noticed anything? Surely, they would have noticed something off or different? I could feel the questions jumble around in my mind as I struggled to focus.
Susan and I did everything together. She knew I had an identical twin sister. Surely she would have noticed something different. She never missed anything. She had to have mentioned something to Corbin. Susan wasn’t very shy, and did voice her opinion and thoughts instead of keeping them to herself. I watched as they smiled and chatted with everyone around them. I wanted to run and wrap my arms around Susan and tell her how much I’ve missed her, how much I’ve thought about her over the years and how much I need her help. Yes, I could use Susan’s help. She would understand. If anyone would understand, it would be Susan.
I kept my eye on Susan and Leo as Tamara continued talking. I wasn’t listening to a word being spoken, but I did my best to smile and laugh with the crowd. I could feel Jonah watching me intently. I knew very soon he’d realize that, all these years, I’ve been telling him the truth. I’ve tried many times to get him to believe me, but it was always the surrounding doctors who would pull him aside and bring him back into their sick and twisted world, making him once again believe that I was the messed up one; that I was insane.
I sat up straighter and eyed the stage. I knew I was minutes away from seeing the woman who stole my life. I knew that, despite all those years I’d tried my hardest to hold on to her, I was now ready to not only let her go but let her get what she deserved. I was more ready than ever to get right in her face and tell the world what she had done, what she continues to do, and how she’s been lying about who she really is.
I brought my hand up to my mouth and gasped.
Corbin!
Now I really couldn’t focus on what Tamara was saying. I focused my attention on Corbin as he took his seat on the side of the stage. He still looked the same: tall, dark, stocky, muscular, and downright handsome. Even though now his hair was mostly gray-peppered throughout, he was still the sexy Corbin Shepherd I had met almost a decade ago. The same Corbin Shepherd I had pledged my vows to, and the same Corbin Shepherd who was the father of our daughter, Hailie.
I could feel my love for him overflow inside me. Seven years had passed since I last laid eyes on him, since I last hugged him, kissed him, and told him I loved him. Seven years. The man of my dreams, my husband, the father of my daughter… my everything. I tried to hold my breath to keep my tears from falling. I felt like I was being punched repeatedly in my stomach, and could feel my heart shattering into a million pieces that only he knew how to put back together.
Memories flooded my mind as the tears welled up in my eyes. It was hard to see the stage, and I knew if I blinked I would somehow resemble Niagara Falls with everything I was holding inside. It’s true what they say: Don’t forget to tell someone exactly how you feel about them. You never know when that last time you see them will be. Life doesn’t wait for you. Sometimes you don’t get second chances. Sometimes you have to live with the regrets as a painful reminder of what you should have said and what you should have done. Well, I’m getting my second chance at my life. And nothing and no one is going to stop me this time.
The crowd clapped and brought me back to the moment at hand. The lights lit up over the stage as I dabbed the tears away with the palm of my hand and stared with piercing eyes at the woman gracefully walking across the stage to the podium. Everyone clapped around me. I was almost sure I was the only one in the room not clapping. I hoped no one noticed, but at the same time I didn’t care.
I watched Corbin and the expression on his face. He was full of pure joy and admiration for his beloved Alaina. I remember the way those eyes looked when they looked into mine. And the way it felt to have him by my side. I remember the way his arms held me like I would blow away in the next strong gust of wind and he may never see me again. I remember it all… Yes, I remember it all. And there she stood… smiling back at him. There she stood, wearing a sapphire-blue floor-length gown that I know Corbin picked out for her for this very event. Her soft blonde hair was swept up into a curled updo that left a few strands around her face, showing off her delicate features. I wished at this very moment I did not look like her, because she did look gorgeous. And that was something I never wanted to say about her.
It felt like a part of me died inside when I saw the ring on her finger, sparkling as she waved her hand. My ring! My wedding ring from Corbin! I held my breath and blinked repeatedly, trying to hold the tears in for just a little longer. I pleaded and pleaded with my heart not to break open in front of all these people. At the same time I wanted to blurt out everything. But the thoughts of being readmitted into the hospital steadied me in my chair.
“Thank you,” she said with a smile into the microphone. “What an amazing turnout here this evening. I want to personally thank you for coming out tonight and showing your support. I also want to thank the Transfern Museum Art Gallery for holding such an amazing event.”
The crowd cheered and clapped. I watched as she fumbled with her hands. It was something she had always done when she was nervous. Surely Corbin had to have picked up on that. I never fumbled with my hands like that when I was nervous. I glanced back towards Corbin. He was so mesmerized by his beloved Alaina that he probably didn’t even notice. And now that she’d been doing it for seven years, he was probably used to it. But still, that was something I never did!
“As you are all aware, I am a huge supporter of the Children of the World Hunger Prevention Charity. I have been involved with them for the past six years and I couldn’t feel more rewarded than to be able to give back to such an amazing charity. Corbin and I have been very involved in this charity.”
I bit my bottom lip and tightly clasped the champagne glass. I took a few deep breaths and tried to control my rapidly beating heart. How could she stand up there and be so deceiving?
“Since I have always loved to paint, I just knew I had to take out some of these old paintings and display them for the world to see. I am selling every painting that I currently have to support the Children of the World Hunger Prevention Charity.”
My jaw dropped. Did I just hear her right? Selling my paintings? All my paintings? She really was finally trying to remove me from her life.
“Kassie,” Jonah whispered. “I think you need to get some fresh air. You really don’t look so good…”
“You know, you’re right.” I looked at him. “I thought I would be better once I sat down, but it’s really making me feel worse.” I looked into his eyes. I could feel myself slowly sinking but I wanted to stay. I wanted to get what was mine! What belonged to me! I wanted to make her pay for everything! “Let’s arrange a meeting with her in a little more private setting,” I whispered to him.
I glanced at Corbin. I wanted so much to run to him and feel his arms around me again. I wanted to feel his kiss, his touch; breathe in his scent that always drove me crazy and comforted me at the same time. I wanted to look into his eyes and see the sparkle when he laughed. I wanted to hear him whisper in my ear that he loved me and that everything was going to be okay. I wanted to lie in bed next to him, lay my head on his chest, listen to his heartbeat and fall asleep feeling safe. I wanted to see Hailie and hold her in my arms and never let her go.
The longer I sat there the more agitated I began to feel. I knew I had to get a handle on myself now. I bit my lower lip. “I’m ready.” I could feel my heart begin to beat rapidly again as the air around me began to dissipate. I took a deep breath before standing up. Jonah stood up with me and escorted me out of the row. I handed my wine glass to him and glanced up at the podium where Kassie stood, making eye contact with her.
I glanced at Corbin, whose eyes were now fixed on me. I could feel his electricity zap through my body as I watched as his jaw hit the floor. And I knew, right then, where his mind was taking him—back to the very first night he laid eyes on me. And tonight, here I was, standing before him in a crowd. Wearing the same red gown, my blonde hair falling around my shoulders, and my lips the same shade of red as my gown. Looking very much like I had almost ten years ago.
I didn’t realize the silence that had overtaken the room as Jonah apologized quietly to those around us. He placed the champagne glasses on the nearest table and took hold of my arm. We casually made our way across the entire banquet room towards the exit doors. I turned around one last time once we reached the doors, looking Kassie right in the eyes. She stood white as a ghost and speechless at the podium. I locked eyes with Corbin, nodded, and smiled. I watched as he slowly stood from his chair, his hand covering his mouth. Jonah and I left the room just as others were beginning to turn around in their seats. But not before I watched a stunned Corbin glance at Kassie, then back at me, and I knew I had his attention. All of his attention.